


Waiting for the Hint of a Spark

by iscatterthemintimeandspace



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Altered Memories, Angst, Death, Destiel - Freeform, I'm Sorry, It's not gory, M/M, One-Shot, Sadness, Seriously Someone is already dead and someone dies, What Ifs, just sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-08
Updated: 2015-12-08
Packaged: 2018-05-05 16:30:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5382212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iscatterthemintimeandspace/pseuds/iscatterthemintimeandspace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You cannot live life by what-ifs"- Clinton Portis.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Waiting for the Hint of a Spark

Dean knew it was the end, seriously the end this time. There was no coming back from this, no devil's deals to be made, no last minute saves. 

 

He had lived to be an old man, despite everyone’s predictions. 

 

They’d buried Sam yesterday, cremated first of course and finally laid to rest in a plot adjacent to their parents. It was only right that he ended his story where it began. 

 

For all his salad eating and exercising, he was the one who went first. He had had the life Dean wanted for him, the family and the kids even if it wasn’t exactly how he pictured it. Still, Sam was happy and that was all that mattered.

 

Castiel was hovering over him now, and Dean shoed him away with a smile. Despite the fact Cas had been with them the whole time the angel still had the same appearance, even if his eyes were a bit more shadowed. 

 

He was clingier than usual, watching Dean like a hawk. He could tell by that alone and his end was near. 

 

He eased out of his wheelchair and onto the worn bunker couch, watching the flickering flames of the fire. Truth be told, Dean was ready to go. He had been through so much in his life, and had no regrets, save one. 

 

His eyes flicked to the angel again Cas, the one who was always watching, the man who dragged him out of hell and pieced him back together over and over again. Despite the amount of blame on both sides, Cas had stuck by his side through thick and thin. 

 

Dean loved him. 

 

And had never told him so. 

 

It had never been the right time, or the right place, one of them either dying or in some other sort of supernatural calamity. That wasn’t the only reason though, if he was being honest with himself.

 

He was afraid. 

 

Dean Winchester, the bogeyman of demons, ghouls and beasties, was afraid to tell an Angel of the Lord that he loved him, and had been afraid for over three decades. 

 

And now he was afraid it was too late. 

He and Cas could have had a life together, could have had the same happiness Sam did, shared memories of love and intimacy, kids for his nieces and nephews to play with, to bring him joy in his old age. 

 

Dean felt a tear slip down his cheek and quickly wiped it away, but Cas had already seen and hovered over him, worry scrawled all over his face. 

 

“What’s wrong, Dean?” 

 

“Cas,” he rasped and coughed. His lungs weren’t what they used to be, not after years of abusing his body with booze and cheeseburgers. “Ever feel like you missed an opportunity?” 

 

Cas cocked his head in the bird like way he always did, a pucker forming between his eyebrows. “What do you mean?” he questioned, sitting down next to Dean. 

 

Dean looked over at his friend, his eyes softening. “I think you know exactly what I mean, angel.” 

 

“I think I do,” he responded quietly, taking Dean’s wrinkled hand in his own. 

 

Dean could almost picture Sam up in Heaven laughing his ass off, that it had taken Dean this long to confess his feeling. 

 

“We could have had so much more time,” Dean coughed again, harsh and raw. The back of this throat tasted like blood. “If I had just -” He took a deep breath and wheezed, covering his mouth with his hand. 

 

“Shhh, Dean. It’s alright,” Cas soothed, rubbing his thumb along the scars on the back of Dean’s hand. “We have time.” his voice cracked. 

 

Dean laughed, grimacing as the chuckles turned to pain. “You don’t have to lie, Cas,” he chided. 

 

“Close your eyes, Dean.” 

 

Dean did was he was asked, closing his eyes and leaning back. All he felt was the warm touch of Cas’ fingers on his forehead and he was blinded by the light behind his eyelids. 

 

Scenes of their life together unfolded in his head, some of them exactly as he remembered them, but some of them were slightly altered. 

 

Instead of all the times he hesitated, Cas had replaced them with him actually doing it. Telling Cas how he felt early on, awkward staring replaced by caresses and kissing, a lifetime of living memories.

 

Dean watched as his younger self and Cas replacing Sam at the alter, coddling children that were theirs instead of just nieces and nephews. He watched them fight, and make-up, watched them spend cold nights in bed just wrapped up in each other, and he allowed himself to believe, just for a moment, that it was all real. 

"I love you." 

The last thing he felt was the warmth of Castiel’s hand in his and wetness as the angel’s tears fell on his cheek. 

With memories of love, both real and not, Dean Winchester, the Righteous Man, former Knight of Hell and beloved of an angel, strode into Heaven’s arms with Castiel at his side.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you very much to my friend, Toastiel for beta-ing this for me! You're awesome baby!


End file.
